Over the last week my tonsils were giving me heck. So I stopped by my CF clinic yesterday to get some good ol’ Levoquin (antibiotic). As tradition goes, as with any clinic visit, I did the typical blow into the machine and it spits out a number thing. To my surprise it seemed really easy. Usually I have fits of asthma that really makes it tough despite all the meds I take. I asked the therapist if I could get a copy of the results and she kind of was reluctant to give them to me, which was weird, it is totally normal for us cystics to want our own proof. But my eyes bugged out when I saw the number. This was the best test I have had in YEEEEARS. I haven’t been feeling all that well recently, probably my emotions getting the best of me. Considering my throat was partially closed up to my tonsils the size of golf balls, it was amazing to me. (I am giving credit to the Inhaled Aztreonam study which I started only 28 days ago and adding a new asthma drug).
Holy smoke folks! I never thought I would have this conversation with my docs ever. Partially because I was reluctant to ask, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up, until I found that special someone to share my life with (yea, I am giving up on that for the time being, until time wears away some more horrible memories). But my doc said some of the most wonderful things to me. If I am able to get my lung function just a little bit better, which is very possible and should be easy to do, and keep my diabetes under control, my doc believes I could live a very long and healthy life, which may even include… having a FAMILY! Oh my! She said the “f” word! I never really considered this to be an option for me. So hearing it makes my mind boggle!
I don’t know… maybe doc has been reading my blog and found out that I have been down in the dumps and wanted to lift my spirits about my future… who knows. (by the way, I don’t mind if you read my stuff docs and nurses.. if you are reading this) 
But still. A FAMILY is something that I had never seriously dreamed of. Much like the people I have dated, I always invisioned myself to have the “expired” stamp on my forehead. These people have done hell to part of my self-esteem, which you could probably read into in some of my recent posts. Making me feel like I am less worthy than someone without my genetic mutations. I look back to see my past wasted with tears caused by people who looked up CF on the web and deemed me lesser than thou. They hurt me because they were scared of some outdated data. They were scared I may die (well DUH!). It is horrible. And despite this happy news my doctor spoke to me, the tears I have spilled over the years over what others have told me… it is very sad to realize that this cycle will go on, people believing the internet over my word, or even my doctor’s word. I cry more tears knowing that even though I have been given a blessing of sorts, I may not ever be able to have it just becuase of this damn internet.
What brings us together can also push us apart.
But she still said the “f” word!
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